ban4 sang1 shi4

just how did i get to funeral preparations?
by thinking abt how digital cameras defy the purpose of photography,then what memories i should bring with me to my deathbed,then to this.
so,how lavish will your last rite be?
As of now,this is mine.

1. no coffin.but a king-sized mattress with satin bedsheet.
2. the funniest da tou tie my family can find placed in front of mattress.
3. game consoles and cartoons for the kids.should have crayon shinchan aka la bi xiao xin.dvds or whatever comes out after this digital age for the teens and porn flicks(no hardcore) for the horny friends.for the aunties i think Zhen Qing should suffice.
4. strictly no gambling.no mahjong.cards maybe but only bridge.junhan and kaiyen can do their magic tricks too.
5. don't burn paper money.i love nature.
6. no paper maids and mistresses,or giant mansions and BMWs.i want angelina jolie.in a white bikini.
7. must play rock songs throughout the funerals.if not i will wake up and wreak havoc.
8. when being wheeled away for cremation,play coldplay's yellow.power mama.
9. when i go into the crematorium furnace,all must smile and wave byebye.cannot cry.
10. oh yah,i want beach setting.or tropical forest also can.

so,what's yours?

eh angmoh whats your problem?

His name is Jukka Pellinan.
This fucking joker,called to ask y he hasn't received his bloody confirmaton email when he has actually reached the link which tells him to wait seven working days for Microsoft to send him the confirmation email.An i actually spoke nicely to this finnish(i suspect) bugger and told him we can't find his goddamn registration in the database.like everyone else,he asked y this was the case when he actually reached the link tt assured him of a confirmation email.
and so lidat war begins.
and so i had to convince him that i have no power to decide who's admitted into the event and that microsoft is the bloody culprit.and the angmoh just blah blah blah and i blah back.his tone was aloof,haughty and holier-than-thou.my tone was apologetic,sincere and friendly,at least i think la,to say the least.and he wants to bloody complain!
war ends.
so i gave him our email add and told him if he has any complaints he can do it that way.
end of fucking story.
Fucker.Fuck you Jukka.what kinda name is that anyway.

campbriefing

what happened was, i kena "dian" by a girl.enough said.but i wasn't moved though.why huh?she's a looker.i think im gay.help.
and the briefing was a waste of time.why does some stranger's birthday gotta do with my camp briefing?and all that enthusiastic yet uncalled-for clapping kinda pisses me off.
BUT, im looking forward to union camp.why?no need to answer stupid phonecalls and listen to that shrilling ringtone anymore.more of those sweet young voices please thank you.

cartoon kid

mum:"cartoon again!so old already still watch cartoon."
gongheng:"cartoon is just the same as drama la,summore they can do the impossible.and they act better."

So what's wrong with a 21-year-old watching anime?I watch Arts Central from Wed to Fri 11.00pm to 12.00 pm.Inuyasha and Shaman King.You must be thinking, chao kin na.
But why?The characters look better,you don't get those "his face so ugly still can be the so-called shuaige of the show" characters and they can express the exact feelings needed to make you all sobby.Yah and the jokes are real funny.

You think your TCS or AXN or what film production company can afford the CGI animation needed to create a drama serial about shamans(something like priests who control spirits) and their spirits?come on,look at the "special" effects in whatever period dramas you can find.they're worse than those doodlings i make.

So don't condemn cartoon or anime fans,they make better choices.After all,you still watch Finding Nemo and Monster Inc rite?

Diary on the Run #?

ran a super fast 2.4k yest.but i don't know how fast.don't have a watch.but should be sub 10,since i almost collapsed after the run.
So maybe can get ippt gold.400 bux.who wants me to run for them?i charge 150.haha.

rant

i was hit on the head twice on the bus ride to work yesterday.pushed and dragged around like a rag doll too.almost lost my temper.how i wished i could push them off the bus and watch them get pummelled and dragged under the wheels of the oncoming vehicles.hopefully monster trucks will be abundant in the future, so when i feel like it i'll just throw one of these rowdy passengers off the bus and create a big mess on the roads.
anyway i don't think i can finish my Lord Of The Rings in time since work is so damn tight.tons of IT geeks calling to say they haven't received their damn bill gates tickets and confirmation emails.whats the big deal?you see bill gates and hear him talk crap,you think you'll rise up the ranks?or become smarter and more knowlegeable?worry about your own life first la stranger.my LOTR more important.Aragorn Gandalf Gimli and Legolas at Rohan already.my favourite part of the movies.the Riders of Rohirrim gallopping through the plains.oh what a majestic sight.
and im waiting for my surprise caifan.dunno what that hongkeat will buy.later i open the lunchbox and sekali see all vegetables.
and the brownie that i made is hard as rock.the next time you see me,i'll have the chiselled jaw of brad pitt.it's ok,like that my chances of hooking up with angelina jolie.

no time to go gym,no time to jog,
feel like shit,whole day i slog.

and my 4-year-old discman died on me several times yesterday.and what to do,buy new one lor.dunno where to get money so must work everyday.vicious cycle.and in the end i grow rich and fat.
cannot tahan this negativity,must stop.

first brownie

Question : what's the worst thing a kitchen can encounter?
Answer : A man trying to bake/cook/wash the dishes.

I think I fall under that category.Spilt sugar,flour and cocoa powder on the kitchen counter.Took forever to prepare the ingredients.Wrong measurement of butter and sugar,resulting in a desperate attempt to scoop them back into their packaging.

Mistakes aside,it went well.Just that the stupid microwave convection oven gave me all sorts of problems that a will scare the wits out of a technophobe like me.After preheating,there was absolutlely no way of keying in the baking time.And so I had to monitor the damn baking process.And what do I get in return?An overbaked brownie I think.

The crust is a tad too hard.The middle is not moist enough.I take the blame,but can't help cursing the fucking oven.

So what?It's so chocolatey!My first chocolate brownie!The best in the world.

dogs and bollocks

Weak knees didn't stop me from walking up to the fence surrounding the Dog Run in Bishan Park.It was simply irresistable.Look at those beautiful energetic dogs sprinting across the field.And some are sniffing the others' asses.Some playing fetch,some just taking a relaxed stroll.Golden retrievers,Labrador retrievers,English spaniels,collies,schnauzers.Dedicated lovers and faithful servants,I thought.And that's when I realised I will never have the courage and heart to own a dog,or any other pet.
Isn't it simply wonderful to be able to play the role of God,the almighty controller of beings?What if it's to a little animal,in this case a puppy?Sounds tempting eh?The idea of being able to decide what this new pet eats,where it goes and what it does will surely bring a little smile to some of your faces,or even children's."So cute!I want!Of course I can take care of it,don't you worry.It'll be money well spent.I will take full responsibility of its needs."
I harbour some fear of not being able to meet the expectations of the pet.It knows that this human companion will have the means to keep it in good form(food,appearance,health,mind).However,there's bound to be times when you cannot be by it's side.Will the dog withdraw to a corner after knowing that its owner is away for a long trip?What if it refuse to accept the dog food from the caretaker?Will it fall sick?
And I find it appalling that it's so easy to determine the life or death of an animal.Buy your dog,starve it of food and water and it dies.You go buy another one,neglect it and sends it to the Land of Souls.Or maybe heaven because all dogs go to heaven.Is it not scary that you have absolute control of another being?I cannot accept this fact.Humans can be frightening,in terms of their capabilities of annihilating living things by pulling a lever or pressing a button.And so,i plead to all pet owners,treat your companions with respect and care.They really need you.Even the spiders you catch for fun.If you discover that you can hardly find time to accompany them or even feed them yourself,it is a sign that you made a mistake having this poor creature as a pet in the first place.
And I think Golden Retrievers have the best smiles.

Diary on the Run #2

6.5km of sheer hell.ran 6km with a stitch.reduced to a weak middle-aged office worker who's preparing for his IPPT.luckily got stronger at the last km.its ok,at least there's a distance increment.Went take a look at dog run.dogs are cute.next run,6.5 again.

buay tahan

well,you know,what's the thing that gives you the worst splitting headaches?
for me,it's those 1970s and 80s old sappy Hokkien songs.And right now these singers are crooning with such longing for their unattainable love.Since 11.30am.and it's damn 1.50pm now.the moment i hear these tunes,i get all flustered,then confused and giddy,then frustrated and finally damn damn pissed.which is why i simply cannot answer my dad's questions in a friendly tone.partly because he's the one who played these CDs in the first place.

How to kill a Rock fan instantly
1.Knock him unconscious with a rock picked up from behind some tree or what
2.Load him into a stolen van
3.Drive to secluded and abandoned factory
4.Strap him to chair and gag him with piece of dirty cloth
5.Insert earphones and play Hokkien songs/hiphop/bubblegum pop
6.Clean up the mess.
or alternatively,shoot him with a gun.

and i am going to the library to escape from the clutches of evil.or you can save me by asking me out.tolong.

some opinions

If jensen is to perform a striptease at a hen party,it will be equivalent to inviting the bride and guests to watch a hernia operation.
I know why Forrest Gump loves opening his chocolate box so much.Because today i had you'll-never-know-what-you're-gonna-get cai fan dabao-ed back,courtesy of hong keat.
It actually feels good to help someone.
Baking something which tastes horrible is as bad as learning that you contracted some STD.
Stoning is not enjoyable.
Anyone with the slightest compassion will not kill a fellow human being,let alone mutilate and dismember one.In case you don't know,new murder case.Searching for the head.May be in Kallang Basin.
Inactivity kills the mind.
Monotony breeds creativity.

random complaints

i didn't sleep well last night.maybe because i thought someone was writing about my legs.
reading brave new world.childen having erotic play.wonder if it'll happen in this lifetime,involving adults.anyway it's still disturbing and gross.
blogging during office hours gives such an adrenaline rush.risk of geting caught,or pamela seeing the blog about her.i hope the latter happens,then chongmeng wil be in for a treat.sorry my friend but the thought of love,sex ad drama in the office makes my heart skip a couple of beats.

Diary on the Run #1

I wore my sexy Nike running attire and my New Balance 717,white socks and black and grey underwear.Today's target is 6km.It occured to me that I will be struggling at the 3rd km and rolling on the tarmac by the 5th km.
But what's up honey?How come you so high today?1st 2 km you started so damn well,so beautiful was your stride.Though the pace dropped a little from then onwards,you maintained your form and carried me through.But I guess you didn't notice that somewhere between the 4th and 5th km I kinda passed out from waist up,and was entirely limp and hanging freely like a ragged tee on a tecko on a windy day.
And you went berserk during the last km.I was screaming for you to slow down but you didn't listen.Just increased your tempo with every step and I was weezing like mad.You don't care,you're not tired,you felt great and pushed me.No kick, you said.Next gym session,more squats and hamstring curls.Next run,6.3 km and beyond.
And I reward myself with half a soft-baked Nantucket Dark Chocolate Chunk Cookie from Pepperidge Farm(can be found in Cold Storage and Liberty Market.Dunno about Carrefour),not that you mind.
Please don't cramp up late at night,it hurts.

Coldplay - Yellow(Parachutes)

Look at the stars, look how they shine for you

And everything you do

Yeah they were all yellow

I came along, I wrote a song for you

And all the things you do

And it was called yellow

So then I took my turn, oh what a thing to have done

And it was all yellow

Your skin,oh yeah your skin and bones

Turn into something beautiful

Do you know,you know i love you so

You know i love you so

I swam across,I jumped across for you

Oh what a thing to do

'Cause we were all yellow

I drew a line, I drew a line for you

Oh what a thing to do

And it was all yellow

Your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones

Turn into something beautiful

Do you know,for you I'll bleed myself dry

For you I'll bleed myself dry

It's true,look how they shine for you

Look how they shine for you

Look how they shine for you

Look how they shine for

Look how they shine for you

Look how they shine for you

Look how they shine

Look at the stars, look how they shine for you

And all the things that you do

This is my favourite song of all time.Song of friendship,song of sacrifice,song of love.Let's hope every little misunderstanding or problems you have with your friends be forgotten,since you're friends after all.

Pamela Tan

FIRST DAY OF WORK AND SHE BLEW ME AWAY.
Smitten to bits.
Today she's wearing shocking pink.Shocking pink,mind you.
But I no longer feel anything.Because my brother Chongmeng wants her.
If you haven't read the tagboard,you can see how he gushes over this classic beauty sans big expressive eyes."She's just gorgeous",he says.
And since there's nothing to do during lunch hour,I might as well blog about his true and undying love for this lady.
He still looks at her with those eyes,pining for her attention,even if it means getting caught.
I haven't noticed any physical reaction from him but who knows?And when she ties her hair up in a ponytail,he gets all excited as if Angelina Jolie just offered him a ride.
Never mind that she don't even give a damn about him,he still tells me,"She's looking this way again.Why don't she just come over here and ask me out on a date?There's nothing wrong with girls taking action nowadays!?" I tried convincing him that she actually has the hots for me but he never listens.Love causes calluses in your ears.Not that he minds that she's two years older and probably more sexually active than he is(this is only a guess).
Rest in peace my brother,you're most likely to end up in the cemetery of puppy lust.

inactivity

Sunday.
What I Did.
wake up.read Sunday Times.eat 2 slices of Gardenia white bread with peanut butter and blueberry jam.brush teeth wash face.watch Water Boys.read Sunday Times.eat century egg porridge.read "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest".nap.wake up.eat one slice Gardenia bread with chicken floss.watch people play ultimate frisbee from window.read "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest".bathe.read "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest".eat one bowl rice,luncheon meat taukua dunno what vegetable steamed meat braised chicken and celery corn carrot tomato potato soup.watch "Lost in Space".brush teeth wash face."watch "From Hell".Use computer.Blogged.

What I Didn't Do
make brownie(mum was sick).

(here you have it.blog in its most primitive form.)

i taste desire

Just what do you feel and think when you bite down into your favourite food?
As the chocolate melts in my mouth,as i smooth the whole chunk onto my entire tongue to maximise the endorphin experience,i feel damn pampered.as the bitterness of dark chocolate sets in,as it rushes up into my nasal cavity such that i can smell it,woah!i just want to live on dark chocolate alone.and maybe die in a month due to lack of nutrients.
when the crispy prata from casuarina curry touches my lips,the distinct prata smell that doesn't smell like any other food already prepares me for the exciting journey of chewing this piece of pan-fried dough.crispy outside soft inside,i can simply flip through the many layers between the crispy skin of the prata with my tongue.complement it with the vegetable curry,you just want to scream "tai hao chi le!".I didn't do that.If not i'll be eating peas and broccoli in IMH.
casuarina curry is along upper thomson road.near nanyang institute of management and pierce reservoir.good dark chocolate is hard to find.unless you're willing to part with your money.
and good char kway tiao,chicken rice,bak chor mee dry,briyani,kway chup,satay,hokkien mee where to find?
reccomendations?
and i want to find makan kakis.anyone?

dreamkiller

just received news that my tioman trip is cancelled.supposed mistake in budget.this makes 23rd june to 27 june free.who wants to date me?
i can't resist this.fuck.

Mary Jane - The Vines(Highly Evolved)

Mary Jane said life's a wait

I already knew

Because we're down

We'll lose the town

Just like I would choose

Mary Jane said minds are games

I went to the moon

Before we know

She'll have to go

Wish I were there too

But I've got to go

Mary Jane,Mary Jane,Mary Jane,Mary Jane,

Mary Jane,Mary Jane,Mary Jane,Mary Jane

Mary said

I can love you

Life's a wait,Mary said

Why should I lose

When I've got to go

Mary Jane,Mary Jane,Mary Jane,Mary Jane,
Mary Jane,Mary Jane,Mary Jane,Mary Jane

Mary Jane

Birth of Baker Boy

i just woke up from my post-lunch siesta.while i was trudging wearily towards the kitchen for a much needed drink,i spotted a cardboard box lying on a white rectangular box.bomb.break-in.prixe from lucky draw.braving all potential dangers,i edged closer to this monster.adrenalin sets in,i can't think properly.Gosh whats this thing?

grinning so hard that my cheeks are cramping.this baby weighs at least 15kg.and you shall stay in the kitchen with me forever.

she's called "Convection Microwave Oven".i named her "Rachel".

and so this begins the wonderful adventure of Baker Boy.

Finally,my weekends will be more eventful than just consisting of jogs and siestas.

moneymakingbusiness

yesterday i thought of an excellent busness strategy that will put all infant formula companies out of business.
i will employ 1500 mothers,and develop a comfortable and efficient process that will pump the breast milk to a pasteuriser.this will then be frozen in sub-zero temperatures.and when orders come in,it wll be delivered to the family according to their needs.
Since it is proven that breast-feeding mothers are encountering surmounting stress to meet the demands of their growing kids,breast-milk-on-demand will be a big business to those who cannot take it anymore.i know that the nutrients in the mother's breastmilk are produced in conjunction with the kid's requirement,but would a slight difference in the constituents be a big matter to those who want their kids to grow up healthier than those on infant formula,yet cannot take the time off or whatever?
And so im abandoning my cake and pastries dream and start realising this dairy industry,hopefully with your support(read:investment and donations).
and my friend actually asked,"what about those with post-natal blues?"
would any woman with post-natal blues be in the sound mind to think of breastfeeding her little baby?she'll probably let him to drink drainwater.

snippets

Just realised i write the blog storybook-style.Badly.
And yesterday realised that a lot of Jessica Alba movies coming out in the next few months.Sin City,Fantastic Four,Out of The Blue.Then Angelina Jolie in Mr and Mrs Smith.She told me not to be angry at the Brad press she's getting because she still loves and wants me.
And if you register for an event and it says "please wait while we send you a confirmation of your registration in SEVEN working days",will you call the hotline the next day and ask why you haven't received the confirmation email?Think some people can't read numbers.

Wednesday

Tragic day throughout.Couldn't sleep at night,bothered by thoughts that cannot be posted.Not X-rated but let's just say it's some er2 nu3 si1 qing2.I'm still alive but only barely.
And since I cleared my thoughts,I shall tell you what my dream girlfriend is like.
- Beautiful hair(long or short) that exudes a fragrance which drives me nuts.
- Eyes that emote,be they small or huge.
- Toned and svelte figure.Best if she comes with a perky butt.
- A slight tan will be good.
- Nice long legs.Should take about 2 seconds to glance from hip to foot.
- Loves nature,animals and chocolate.
- Filial,spontaneous,fun,good conversationalist.
- Possesses common sense.
- Doesn't condemn rock n roll.
- Last of all,a nice rack.
So now you see me as a pervert.It's ok.Perverts dream too.
And have you ever had the urge to pick up this guy or girl that attracts your attention the moment he/she boards the bus or train?Don't they just blow you away?(No sexual innuendo intended).
I'm a wuss,so that will never happen.And who knows,he/she may turn out to be your downfall.
Demoralising blogs don't really appeal to you guys.But Jensen is always full of crap so you can expect many happy stuff in time to come.
And just received the NUS Freshman guide which comes with a list of camps that are happening soon.I can't go to 80% of them.All because of Bill Gates.Sucks.Think I'll try assasinating him with my phone in the office.Shove the receiver into his eye till the other end comes out of his nose.
2 more days to the weekend.Help, I'm on a violent streak.

Toss Of Fate

Date:6 June 2005
Time:Approx 2.30pm
Venue:Techmex Events Production
Characters:K,C,H,J

The 4 co-workers were happily working in Techmex when the issue of scheduling work for the entire week was brought up.After much planning and arguing,it was decided that K will have a free shift and C,H and J will have to fight for it.Having done this so many times with different original spontaneous games,J decided it was time to think of an exciting and unpredictable one.
Toss Of Fate
Description: Names of Participants are written on pieces of paper.The sequence of play is decided by tikam.They are to throw their piece of paper into a styrofoam cup approximately 1.2m away.After every round,they will shuffle the pieces and choose their piece,then attempt to throw it in again.First piece to be successfully shot into the styrofoam cup will be forfeited for the free shift.But the next person can cancel the throw by making it as well.Then the game will be repeated.
Twist:Participants will not know who the person in the piece of paper he is holding onto is.

Sequence:
1)C
2)H
3)J
Gamemaster:K

After about 6 rounds,everyone was tired,including the gamemaster.They decided to replace the small cup with a bigger scotchtape roll.

C lobbed his next shot wide,and groaned in frustration.Then,H took aim with his well-built left hand,snapped back and hurled the tiny projectile towards the scotchtape roll.It went in!
H smirked.J couldn't stand it.He thought,what if the piece of paper is me?But what if it's not?Aiyah fuck it just whack.
He took up his position,shot it like Jordan and expectedly,it went in,much to everyone's disappointment.
H got fed up and said,"Don't play already lah,just let the one which didn't make it in be the one forfeited."
After a few "ok lors",the gamemaster K slowly unwrapped the paper,laughed andcollapsed onto the table.
"And the loser is,J!"

Credits
J ------ Jensen
H ------ Hongkeat
C ------ Chongmeng
K ------ Kelly

If this game exists in real-life,I did not mean to copy.Because I really thught of it and everything stated above did happen.

What a damn twist of fate.

Introduction

The cacao tree is a native of Central and South America. Today, it is cultivated around the equator, and can be found in the Caribbean, Africa, South-East Asia, and even in the South Pacific Islands of Samoa and New Guinea.
Many people believe that the Aztecs first developed chocolate. However, chocolate goes back much farther. The ancient Maya, who inhabited what is now parts of southern Mexico and Central America, certainly consumed chocolate. In fact, the word "cacao" is Mayan: as early as 500 A.D., the Mayans were writing about cacao on their pottery.
One of the most pleasant effects of eating chocolate is the "good feeling" that many people experience after indulging.
Chocolate contains more than 300 known chemicals. Caffeine is the most well known of these chemical ingredients, and while it's present in chocolate, it can only be found in small quantities. Theobromine, a weak stimulant, is also present, in slightly higher amounts. The combination of these two chemicals (and possibly others) may provide the "lift" that chocolate eaters experience.Phenylethylamine is also found in chocolate. It's related to amphetamines, which are strong stimulants. All of these stimulants increase the activity of neurotransmitters (brain chemicals) in parts of the brain that control our ability to pay attention and stay alert.
This blog is not a tribute to chocolate,the most marvellous invention of the human race.And chocolate is not the fruit of gods.It's the food of gods.The FRUIT of gods is the cacao bean,and so i dedicate this blog to mother nature who loves us so much.
There won't be much stuff posted here so don't come here often.Don't waste your time on useless links.
The above information is lifted from http://www.exploratorium.edu/exploring/exploring_chocolate/