a wall

while walking to class today, i was overcome by a sudden wave of thoughts.

"I am so tired."
"I can't take this anymore."
"What the hell is all this I'm going through?"
"My body is breaking down. I don't feel alive."

This despite the fact that i'm enjoying my climbing. it baffles me.
the fact that i'm sick of studying things that i don't care for is known to all. and i'm not going to whine about it here. i feel like a drone trudging the earth, not so much a worker ant with a mission to sustain the nest food supply, but more of a jellyfish fleeting aimlessly in the ocean, its course dictated by the currents which push it where they please.

i am just a little man. though sometimes i feel so alive, so full of life in me, the question of my existence still bugs me. it's up to me to decide what i do when i'm still alive, but many times i was disillusioned by how life sucks and how meaningless my life is. at least meaningless to me.

wake up and smell the roses? or just find the right path and walk it?

maybe it's just the midterms and the projects bothering me. i still don't see my future after NUS.

till then, i'll just enjoy what i see, hear, feel and sense.