Face and embrace your fears and desires

Let's take a break from the book reviews that are so boring and lacking in inventiveness that drove anyone who came here to tears.
I was at the bouldering competition Pumpfest '06 held at the plaza of National Library Bugis on Friday and Sunday.And I can say these 2 days were so far the best days of the holidays.I saw dedicated individuals holding on to the handholds with all their might,and some of them flew around like airborne spiders. Crowds cheering them on,egging them to stretch and reach for that last tile that eluded their grip.It was an atmosphere that was so familiar,only 2 months after the NUS-organised Boulderactive which I helped out in some way.
I haven't been climbing for maybe 7 weeks now,and just when my climbing interest threatens to wane from the lack of action,I found myself going all the way to NLB to watch these amazing climbers strut their stuff.Every grimace on their face as they struggle to stay on the wall,every muscle strained and overworked to keep their hopes alive.I felt them before and I felt them during Pumpfest too.It was an unforgettable sensation that hooks you to the sport,an adrenaline-induced state of mind that makes you feel so powerful and special to be able to stay on a 30 degree inclined wall.Like every other sport,you get high from climbing once the endorphins sets in and you just keep going like a madman who has lost all sense of pain.The next morning you wake up and realise that you can't move from all that muscle ache,and you smile and tell yourself it was a job well done.
I miss the trainings during JC canoeing,the camaraderie,the talkcock sessions during the punishing gym sessions,the intense competition to represent the school in our respective events,hanging out at each other's class bench until training commences,laughing at each other when we capsize,going through thick and thin together,especially the few regimental trainings which reminded so much of NCC.There is no way any other team can replace what HCJC Canoeing Boys 2002's place in my heart,but there is a void in it which needs to be filled.An emptiness which is caused by the loss of brotherhood and sweat and toil and in my case lots of blood.
I missed the chance to join a team that I observed to be close-knitted and dedicated to its cause last year.When school begins,I'll be relishing the challenge it will bring me physically and mentally.And of course,bring me the beautiful memories of my wonderful canoeing teammates.
I'll climb,finally.

Ghost Story by Toby Litt

I abandoned the book after much mulling over the slow pace.
Toby Litt is a good writer despite this book's disappointment (to me at least).I read deadkidsongs and Corpsing and was totally immersed in the great narration and the comfortable pace of the story.But Ghost Story was just slightly more draggy compared to the former two novels, and I was not particularly attracted to its plot.
Litt writes of a couple in their thirties(my guess) who move into a new seaside neighbourhood in England.Something is wrong with Agatha, most probably post-natal depression(my guess again) and it is causing tension among the couple.She doesn't get out of the house,not even to the front porch and she insists that her son will only move in when she thinks he will be comfortable with the house.Paddy is trying his best to help her move on so that their child, Max,can move into the house with them.
And this is where I chuck the book away.
If you like prose and some very descriptive literature,you'll probably like this.
This is a bad review,if you even consider it one.

A meeting of two old young adults - a tribute to my grandma

and so the last time we met was chinese new year,and hardly had anything constructive to say to each other.
it brought me some comfort to see wendy so cheerful after so long.well,she was never in depression mode, but seeing the good old whiny wendy brings me back to the 67 class bench.
If you go to Marina Square and somehow end up in Changing Appetites, i strongly recommend you do not try the CA Sirloin steak.meat was tough but the serving was so huge i left it half-untouched.Jensen abandoning food is a big thing, you know.And the calamari samurai (i dunno where the samurai comes from,but if i had a sword i'd chop the chef up) has nothing to compliment on.it was rather tasteless,the squid was as springy as your Pentel eraser can go,and we had to take it with a pinch of salt.i mean really put salt on it and eat it.never mind,its a figure of speech.
and we talked of nothing of much importance, of the past, of our present, and most notably, the future that is a total blur.we can only paint this picture that we will be slaves of the economy,probably wearing office wear day in day out, praying for friday to descend from the heavens and pick us up from the slums of Work.I will not dwell on this topic, because i believe there is a lot more opportunities to dampen your spirits as well as mine when we talk about the coming years another time.
and of course we got the tickets for "Over The Hedge",which i somehow psycho-ed her to watch without any prior knowledge of what it's all about.then it's back to more food at Coffee Club.and it was much better this time.
i ordered a candied apple crumble,she ordered a tiramisu.i ate a candied apple crumble and half her tiramisu sans sour strawberry.i can still feel the ripples from the tiramisu swimming in my stomach right now.the tiramisu was quite a treat,while i wouldn't suggest you get the crumble unless you're an apple fan.it's not that great and not worth the $6.50.and i guess the little fumble of mistaking tiramisu and apple crumble as cakes did cost her quite a few bucks.but i guess the ambience and company more than makes up for it.(Guys,nice place to bring a girl on a weekday,it's quiet and the atmosphere is great.nice decor,comfortable seats.and it was almost empty at 330.)
and we laughed all the way throughout the movie.i haven't had such thigh-slapping non-stop laughter for as long as my memory goes.sure got me in a great mood.
and all these done while her boyfriend's in Australia.he's probably having fun with bikini blondes.haha.
and i wonder when it will be when we can have such passive fun again.she'll be slogging in her office,i'll be mugging like a geek.but no doubt there will be another day when we have fun again.i promise.

i say,if you miss someone and wants to meet him/her, ask them out.there is no point waiting for the other party to initiate.cliche: your destiny is in your hands.pick up your phone and dial 1800-MISS-YOU.They will appreciate everything,unless you mess up real bad.

Haunted: A Novel by Chuck Palahniuk

A book written in a most unconventional manner by the writer of Fight Club.It is an entertaining read,albeit a bit gory and explicit.If you have an aversion to details of how people meet their ends or the appearance of the corpse and its innards,please stay far far away.
A writers' retreat.Abandon your life for 3 months.
17 individuals with each their own inner demons and dark secrets responded to this ad and found themselves learning so much of themselves that they can hardly bear the truth.If they survive that long.A gamble to achieve fame and fortune turns out to be a revelation of humanity that can only be comprehended with a clear conscience.All these overseen by the organiser of the retreat, Mr Whittier.
Be prepared for the most shocking read of your life.A book so dark it left me searching for my soul,to stop it from reaching the haunted end.

words

i'm immersing myself in the world of literary works,good or bad.a realm which offers what my life and the sphere of activity around me will never provide.an out-of-this-world scenario,or a perfect utopian universe.anything that can show me that what i'm living out is not insignificant,and will definitely bring me satisfaction and joy.
come, books, amaze me like what some unexpected events do.

thanks for your concern buddy.

fire and forget

i am not a zen master.
i cannot let things pass by with the knowledge that they have made me feel negative in any manner.
i cannot ignore the irresponsible behaviour of people i put my trust on.
i expect a lot from you.

there is only so much i can ask for, and i get nothing in return.
so, the next time you say "i'll do this", make these words pass through your head.
and actually mean it.

it's intolerable to some.
and it's an action i can hardly forgive.

spoilt?

i don't know why i'm so picky and demanding when it comes to jobs.
i want something relaxing and won't stress me out on the job.may have been conditioned by techmex,where its aircon everyday,sitting down making calls.or doing easy stuff like collating handouts and handling registration during events.its easy money i know.maybe that's why i'm reluctant to take up anything that requires a bit of effort.
i don't know...i really don't.should i take up the clarke quay thing?maybe even the sushi tei thing?or just wait for angela to call me up for another easy assignment?
darn,give me a sign.

Awfully chocolate

the cake tasted like real chocolate cake when i ate a slice this morning.
but think cocoa powder was too much.and maybe a tiny bit more sugar will help.
buay tahan,the recipe rocks.
but i think i rock too.
ha.
shit think i'll go eat another one now.can't see my abs anymore.

sin

when you feel like doing something,do it.
baked this chocolate cake because i felt like it today.
no planning required.
nothing cocked up during the preparation,which is indeed a rarity.
maybe that's why it doesn't taste as good as when bad things happen.
but i don't know if it tastes like a real chocolate cake cos i'm so out of touch with good pastry.
luckily,i threw in a big handful of chocolate chips into the batter and gave it an extra choco kick.
not fudgy enough to my liking,but i take what i'm given.
i can have my cake and eat it.

gush

vesak day was spent sleeping, reading "The Autograph Man" by Zadie Smith and making my way to Changi for little Keefe's birthday party. And if you haven't seen Keefe, here's an old picture of him.

The moment i reached the chalet, the boy dragged me into a room and started a whole series of crazy antics.which is why i adore him so much. 3-year-old and 22-year-old hit it off so well. i dunno why i still can't click with some of the girls in school. read him a book of farm animals, threw around a swimming float at each other, made him a machine gun out of those building blocks for kids.though he's a lot more mischevious than the last time i saw him,he still melts hearts.

and megan(left) was singing an extended birthday song that goes "May the good god bless you" but somehow it ended up having the "good dog" dishing out the well wishes instead. had a good laugh at that. and faith(right) is finally getting the long-overdue baby fats. she was so skinny a few years back i thought she was bulimic. too young to start, girl. these 3 cousins, the 3 reasons why i look forward to every family gathering.

happy birthday keefe!

AD

haha this post is inspired by chiew who put up a personal ad for me.

if you are to put up a personal ad for me, what will be my selling point?
one point is enough.
and i know i'll never get "sophisticated" so don't bother lying.

Kam Sia You

to those who've tasted the cheesecake and gave recommendations to improve on it.
a big thank you.you people make it all worthwhile.
and those who are so eager to taste it,your time shall come.as long as you don't mind the low standards.
and i'm not liable for any stomach upsets or spillover tummies.

cheeseCAKE - I Will Survive

haha, so many of you asked me how the cheesecake tasted.to be honest with you,the last time i had a cheesecake was probably more than a year ago.and the last oreo cheesecake i had was in jc.so,I DON"T KNOW THE BLOODY TASTE OF AN OREO CHEESECAKE!damn!but mum liked it,cos it wasn't too sweet.and that's all that matters.i wished it was a little bit wetter,and i really can't taste the oreo at all.looks like i'm not gonna make an oreo cheesecake again.but i'll definitely make more cheesecakes.all sorts of cheesecakes.watch this space.

you see the 'fa gao' in the background?that's my mum's doing.both of us were making our confections at the same time.here's turned out nicer of course,less skill required mah.

and this is how it looks like when u chuck everything into a container instead of retaining it on the cake pan.

all in all,i love my cheesecake,and i'm proud to say this is my favourite out of all that i've baked.not that everything else sucked.some did.like the overcooked brownie that took me ages to dig(yes,dig) out of the cake pan.that was really a blow.

and another thing, how sweet should a cheesecake be?i can hardly taste any hint of sweetness in my cake.it was oh so cheesy.and the oreo in the cheese filling was all mushy as expected, but is it supposed to be so?Jenna,if you're here again can u please give some advice?kam sia you.

Recipe for Disaster

let me take you through the steps to baking a successful Oreo Cheesecake.

ok, here are the ingredients you need.1/3 cup butter, 24 ounces cream cheese, 45 oreo sandwiches, 3/4 cup sugar,1 cup sour cream,4 eggs, 1 teaspoon vanilla.as in the picture.flour was there as a mistake.forgot the vanilla as well.and you don't see the eggs there cos i like them fresh,so i'll only lay them when i need them.

prepare the crust first.put 30 oreos into a gallon ziploc bag and use a rolling pin to crush them fine.if you have a food processor, lucky you.coarsely chop the remaining 15 separately and set aside.

next, mix the finely crushed oreos with 1/3 cup of melted butter.well, you mix them with your hands.and they get dirty.like this.
you see here,some of my fingers look clean.thats because i licked them.you can do the same too.but please wash after doing so.i can't remember if i did.

then,you press the prepared crust onto a 9 inch springform pan.make sure its compact.

let's prepare the cheese filling.this is what i call heaven in a block.the philadelphia cream cheese.each package is 8 ounces. i think i devoured abt half of it before it actually hit the bowl.

so you take all 3 and chuck it into the mixing bowl.make sure it is at room temperature.i mean the cream cheese is at room temp.

now you turn on the mixer at medium speed so you don't incorporate too much air into the mixture.

next, somehow please destroy your mixer like i did.i dunno how you do it,i most certainly don't know how i achieved it either,smoke was coming out from the machine and i was oh so damn fucked.

then,try your best to use a spatula to beat the mixture.like i did.for 10 min before giving up,after realising that my arm just wasn't as fast.

read a book, have lunch, and rush off to Courts to get a new mixer.

let's continue the preparation proper.the above was a lot of trouble but it adds a whole new dimension to your baking experience.

beat in the sugar,sour cream, vanilla and eggs.get a smooth mixture but not so much so that it's watery.mine was a bit liquid.

stir in the coarsely chooped oreos and pour it into the pan.remember to grease the pan before doing so.i did.

bake at 175 deg C for 55 min to 1h.i recommend maybe 45 or 50.

and this is it.

an Oreo Cheesecake.clap leh.

its not supposed to crack,and the centre is not supposed to sink in.it sunk because there's too much air in the cheese filling when then mixing was done.see i told you not to mix too fast.i dunno why it cracked,but it doesn't bother me too much.

let it cool in the oven after baking.leave the oven door slightly ajar.when it's cooled entirely,put it in the fridge(not the freezer) overnight.

after that, we're ready to grow fat again.

please remember to throw away your old mixer.cos it becomes an eyesore after a while.