without love we perish

2010-03-05T19:03:00.002+08:00

Can you please show a little affection? I am really struggling here. I just want to hold your hand, get a little peck on the cheek like before, get a hug from you like before. You haven't been the same since you came back. I don't care if your goals have changed, or your outlook in life. But you no longer express your love anymore. I really don't feel loved. Sometimes I just wish you will hold my hand like last time and I know everything will be alright. But now I get this dreaded feeling that you don't care as much anymore. Love is in the little things. And I don't feel these little things, let alone big surprises or whatever there is. I wish I can tell you all these, but I know this will definitely evoke a negative response, you wondering why I'm always demanding this and that. I wish you can be the one demanding things, because then I know that at least you care about this relationship. But can I tell you this without repercussions? Is my simple request not simple enough? Can I ask for a little affection? Please keep this alive. I've been trying real hard to make it not so boring, but more often than not I'm met with muted responses. Please don't judge me by my appearance. I really can't help the black face. I'm already frustrated by the lack of time we spend together. This just makes it worse. I don't want this dreaded feeling.

2010-03-05T07:49:00.000+08:00

Hi blog. I'm lonely. Can you talk?

Rockclimbing

2009-01-02T01:13:00.002+08:00

Climbing is about adventure. The exploration of the body and mind's extremes and possibilities. The wandering into territories new to you and climbing walls that you pioneered or others have pioneered. It is a sport that draws you into a world of thrill-seeking and nature-loving. It is different from other sports such that you are always in a different setting when you travel to other places to climb, and you experience something new everytime, be it stormy weather or more insect bites. Any other sport fails to give you this enriching opportunity as all you need is a court or apparatus and the venue doesn't matter at all. Unless of course, its an outdoor sport.
The most beautiful routes in the world are the ones that matter the most to you. You may have only tried a 6a, but it may be the most precious moment in your climbing experience because of the beauty of the line, or it made you feel like you had your heart in your mouth, or you learnt an important life lesson like never disturb a wasp nest or wear a helmet everytime. Climbing is so beautiful in the sense that people are enveloped by nature's grace everytime they go up the rock, and they appreciate nature for having carved out a possible way up this rock so that we can learn how our bodies move as well as look at what is around us from another perspective. We also learn to appreciate the people we climb with, whom we trust our lives with when we go up a route, spotting and belaying us faithfully all the time that we are hangdogging.
Go out there and discover for yourself what makes you climb. See for yourself what nature has to offer. Love climbing.

BYE

2008-06-08T10:08:00.002+08:00

Hi to all those who drop by to catch little morsels of my life.
Sad to say, I've lost the verve to update my endeavors online and so I've decided to end this blog's life.
I've always preferred meeting face to face rather than broadcasting my life so that you guys know what I've been up to, so here's my number (hp 92985141). If you miss me (haha,right...) or want to meet up with me for old time's sake, just drop me a SMS or give me a call! I'm looking forward to meeting you people.
This blog will still exist because all the links of your blogs are still around. Though you won't have a chance to read anymore of my rubbish, I'll still keep in touch with your junk.
Farewell fruitofgod.blogspot.com.

2008-03-26T22:23:00.002+08:00

first place in boulderactive 08 intermediate men.
i don't know if this is liberation or an extra sack of rice on my sun-beaten back.
when expectations are high and you can't meet them, you feel like you let people down. And what's worse, people expect me to be much stronger now that i'm in open men.
damn expectations. i always get the better of you.

2008-03-16T12:02:00.000+08:00

be gracious.
be true.
be forgiving and ever-loving.
it's hard.

When I'm old

2008-02-15T15:55:00.001+08:00

I want to be riding a Harley Davidson Night Train with an old wrinkled lady hugging my back.

The Late Greats - Hours

2008-01-03T00:03:00.000+08:00

There you are, I need you here.
I've been waiting for hours,
To see you.

I've been in the fog, so alone.
Come back for me,
Please.

There you are, I need you here.
I've been waiting for hours.

I've been in the fog, so alone.
Come back for me,
Come back for me.

I'm losing sight of you.
I'm losing sight of you.
I'm losing sight of you.
I'm losing sight of you.

There you are, I need you here.
I've been waiting for hours.

I've been in the fog, so alone.
Come back for me,
Please.

2007-12-20T22:43:00.000+08:00

Christmas is coming. It's my favourite holiday. Presents, food, cards.
Came back from KL scarred, bitten and semi-charred. But it's great to be on a trip with close friends and especially a loved one.
IMH project still ongoing. What started off as an interesting and meaningful assignment is slowly degenerating into an obligation. I want to help them, but it's really hard to do so given the circumstances. Show me the way!
Will have to climb hard from now on, but sprained something in my hand after some bouldering in CA. I guess I'm not as strong and armoured as others think.
No resolutions for the new year, except to be a better person.
Oh, cutting "f**k" from my vocabulary.

In KL from 10-14 Dec. In Ipoh from 15-17 Dec

2007-12-09T00:18:00.000+08:00

will blog soon.

Climbing break from now till 1st Dec

2007-11-17T21:57:00.000+08:00

2007-11-04T21:53:00.001+08:00

can't be bothered to do a countdown to exams anymore, unlike previous sems.
what's the point? I'm already looking beyond the exams.
Jia you Jensen!

2007-10-21T18:25:00.000+08:00

the uncertainty.
it's driving me.

2007-10-21T00:47:00.000+08:00

the uncertainty.
it's killing me.

2007-10-17T00:44:00.000+08:00

in 7 weeks, I will be in KL or Ipoh scaling limestone cliffs.
a time to feel so alive. and eat like there's no tomorrow, or as if stomachs don't exist.
the way i want to live. eat. sleep. climb. read books. look at clouds and stars.

2007-10-04T01:39:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder if i'm too confident about my climbing for my own good.
humility, jensen...you need to learn.

2007-09-30T18:07:00.000+08:00

it's high time i climb seriously.
since krabi, i've been chilling out at the gym, doing random bouldering problems, setting fun and sick routes, doing a bit of endurance sets and watching people climb.
climbaprix is coming.
cherlyn says i'll be the open men champion (written on the paper plate). i'm more realistic. i want to be the intermediate men champion for the first official bouldering competition next year. this is within my means. and if that doesn't happen, i'll gladly take second place. or third. Haha.
slopers, crimps, pinches, odd tiles, jugs, pockets, edges, sidepulls and underclings. bring it on.
i'm all psyched up. the beast within is unleashed.
it's topless and sweating, shrieking like a siren.
so climb with me, juniors and seniors alike. i just may inspire you.

p.s. this is very uncharacteristic of me to be so egocentric. moral of the story: jensen starts training seriously from tomorrow onwards.

2007-09-28T22:50:00.000+08:00

I'm used to being the bad guy.
Way back in NCC, I was the foil to my IC's nice master sergeant. I was the terror, the one spouting four-letter words and knocking people down. But luckily, when training is over, I'm still good friends with the juniors.
In army, I am the one who argues with the sergeant. Not that I love conflicts, I just couldn't take it lying down. When someone asks the platoon if they are useless, you don't answer yes. Simple as that. But the gutless idiots just went "yes sergeant". Wow, I couldn't believe my ears. These people have no dignity of any sort. I replied, "Sergeant, we are not useless ok, it's just that we didn't clear the rubbish, does that make us useless?" I think he was stunned and so just sent us to our next lesson. My impression of the platoon became worse. But a few supported me of course. Just that they didn't make any noise.
And now, I just want our gym to be clean and green with 3 huge rooms. Which is why I always want to throw away all the unclaimed stuff which is cluttering up the space. I feel bad having to clear things that may still belong to people, but now that we've issued warnings and announcements that we're clearing out, if anything happens to their belongings, it's not my fault. True, I threw them away without asking you, but I already told you I'll do that if it's not claimed. Whatever. I will be the bad guy for the gym's sake.
I hate reprimanding people. I always feel bad doing so. The other party will feel bad and ill-treated, I'll feel bad for having to do it so openly. But sometimes, people won't learn if you tell them nicely. A nudge goes to a push to a shove. And in the end, things get done, but egos are hurt. For the sake of the people I scold, I'll take the bad-guy tag.
But I don't want to do it again if there is no need to.

Bad Guy Jensen.

2007-09-26T00:01:00.000+08:00

thank you team, for being a wonderful bunch of wild cavemen. I really had fun watching you guys fool around during the 3 days. let's keep up this spirit till we can't climb anymore.
school has finally started. at least for me. and the backlog of work that I haven't touched is scaring the balls out of me.
i'm really a lucky guy, to have 2 wonderful angel and mortal. if you do see this somehow, i enjoyed writing to you.

2007-09-16T00:05:00.000+08:00

i need to let this out.
i am officially burnt out.
my fingers are throbbing as i type, my mental state is in chaos, i haven't done tutorials for 2 modules since day 1, skipping lectures like nothing, rock camp stuff still yet to be confirmed.
and now, i am part-time maid owing to my mum's recent operation. i will not complain about the maid part. it's something i should do and i will willingly do it. just that it further squeezes in a few elephants into my already bursting brain.
in terms of climbing, i haven't seen much progress yet. fingers are complaining, competitive spirit is waning. but i still love it. maybe after all responsibility of the camp is shed, i will rediscover the carefree attitude that i had as a junior. but that's rather impossible, given that someone has to help guide the juniors. i'm not playing a major trainer role, but i'd still like to see them climb well.
my 4 projects are killing me. not that i've really started on any of them. but the thought that they will be occupying my life for the whole of this and next month is frightening. i haven't been so scared since the Krabi trip. it's really gonna ruin my life. engineers have no life, so how can i die? i don't know, i think i will die many times over and over again. day in day out, it's all about thinking of the assignment deadlines, project meetings and deadlines, camp stuff, the stupid bbq, this shit that shit.
oh man, please come soon, december. if not, i may actually need a god to help me tide through all these crap.

2007-09-11T22:43:00.000+08:00

the fun begins 22 Sept.
hell ends 21 Sept.
I hope I'm still alive by then.

you

2007-09-03T23:09:00.000+08:00

are not as simple as it seems
got my head spinning
triggered off dormant feelings

i don't know why.

2007-08-30T00:50:00.000+08:00

the team is experiencing a little tension right now, something that has not occurred since i was inducted.

we all joined the climbing team for one purpose, to go into competitive climbing. maybe some have a slightly different take on that, to improve their climbing skills, or to simply be the greatest. every single team member has his own unique reason for dedicating their precious after-school hours to train. but we should only have one common goal, which is to do our team proud.

never mind that you do not have a sense of attachment to NUS, we don't give two hoots. we are our own entity, the NUS climbing team. we train, we suffer, we play, we endure, we laugh. but all these feelings that we experience are only meaningful if we are in it together.

it's not ok to abandon the team to pursue your own interests. what's worse, lying about your intentions in order to do it. if that is not despicable, i don't know why you are in the team, wasting everyone's time and resources when other eager enthusiasts are trying so hard to get into this exclusive club.

i hope whoever is harbouring these thoughts will think it through, and realise that the very first baby step that you took down the path of climbing, was actually a gift from the seniors who selected you to be part of them. if you don't even feel any guilt, you are a horrendous and selfish creature.

not all is lost.

2007-08-23T20:51:00.000+08:00

like most people, i can't get my engine started. there seems to be a screw loose, or a wrench stuck somewhere that i can't see or feel.
studying has suddenly become something so foreign and absurd a concept. but i cannot disappoint the people i will be working with this sem. if i don't put in effort, we may get F together.
hence, i'll probably vanish from this space till the urge to log into Blogger strikes me again.
climb. study. eat. sleep. run. shake leg. look at the clouds. look at girls. think about girls.
if you need an update about me, just choose from any of the above. 11% chance that you'll hit the jackpot. probability of the last 4 is slightly higher.
adieu.

20 days and 19 nights in climber's heaven

2007-08-19T11:40:00.000+08:00

I believe I owe you guys an account of my time spent in Krabi.
This is what I woke up to after our one-night stay in Krabi town. This photo can't capture even 1% of the grandeur. Mountains and a meandering river, bathed in the warm sunlight of the early dawn. Just opposite the hotel, kids were getting ready for school. It's really funny that they actually had a performance during the assembly. I swear I saw children playing sepak takraw. But all these just reminds me of my childhood days when I was innocent. And so early in the morning, we made our way to Tonsai beach by longtail boat. Landed at Railay beach first, which is actually very near Tonsai, but sadly separated by hills and mountains and acres of impregnable forests. A bargain with the boatman was unsuccessful, ending with a taunt "you come back, 100 baht!" after a decision to make the trek was made. I'd like to say here, if you're going on a holiday, do not do crazy things like carrying your damn heavy luggage and going on a forest trek just to save S$2. What you see below is the forest that I've grown to hate over the 2 weeks I was there. The very first part of the trek was insane. a near vertical climb up treacherous-looking sharp rocks. The rest was infested with bloodsuckers. Fucking mosquitoes.

After a 20 min trek, this was what greeted us. Makes the long walk a little more worthwhile.
Following much scouting around for cheap accomodation, we finially settled in at Countryside Resort which really lived to its name. A seven-minutes walk from the beach through rainforest with unwelcome guests like spiders, mosquitoes and even stick insects.Each room is a cosy little hut with 2 beds which come with mosquito nets. But the floorboards are creaky and the whole hut shakes when we walk from the bed to the loo. So it kinda sucks to wake up early in the morning and have to take a dump.
But the view from the porch rocks big time. Imagine cutting your nails or flossing your teeth to such sight. Makes you want to make more effort doing these little mundane tasks.
We got to climbing soon after lunch, and the seniors were all eager beavers, looking at the routes, oo-ing and ah-ing. And of course, I have to mention the hot babe in the golden bikini. She looked like a movie star. Too bad she left after a couple of days, if not she'd have glittered our lives with those naughty-looking beachwear.

This crag is called Dum's Kitchen where The Lion King (6c+, below) resides.
This route is really nice. Especially the traverse across the bottom of the giant flake, with a nice knee bar which you can do your clip-in comfortably and have a no-hands rest. Almost flashed the route, if not for some miscommunication and my stupidity at the last part of the route. And Lion king is particularly memorable because this is where I got my first rope burn. Really horrible stuff, as those who saw it can testify, especially when you got it on the 3rd day of climbing. And I fell at the last move for 4 more times before i found a better hold which I can stuff all fingers in( been using a right hand sidepull which you can only stuff 2 fingers in ).

This is just a random bizarre sighting at the beach. A goat!?!And this is a picture of the resident dog who plays fetch to an obssessive extent, but refuses to return the thrown object. Sometimes, it just looks at the object and walks away. I like this pic, it's a bit emo.

Never seen fried rice presented this nicely. Seafood was fresh but the taste wasn't as great as it looks. From Anyavee resort in Railay east.
This is our first trip to 123 wall, when the sun was beating down relentlessly on all our backs. It was unbearable, and some took to putting their hankies on their heads. That's Christer by the way, our strongest climber who onsights everyone's projects.
This is Quarks ( 7b ). A very crimpy crux and big moves with clip-ins at uncomfortable positions. Got it on my 4th try. Almost didn't want to do it cos I was too lazy to climb on the last climbing day, but managed to get my ass off the bed. A reward for the willing. Edwin would have liked this route.

A tropical strom forced us to retreat to the nearby pavilion, where everyone tried party tricks like front-lever and handstands. And Christer proving to everyone that he's better at everything than any of us. He has a masters degree. Or a doctorate. Some people are just too good.
Sunsets at Tonsai are not really picturesque because the sun sets behind the headlands seen here, so you don't get the awesome technicolor sunsets you see so often.
But I stll got a nice one.

Krabi is a really nice place if you want to just chill out by the beach during the day and chill out at the bar at night. There's touristy stuff to do of course, like canoeing, snorkelling, island-hopping, and for the adventurous, deep-water soloing. DWS is climbing with the sea as your crashpad. So once you're at a comfortable or scary height, you let go and plunge into the water. But don't try it anywhere you like. It's dangerous, and you'll need a professional guide. We managed to have Wee from Wee Climbing School as our guide. He's the co-author of the climbing guide to Thailand, so I guess he's pretty well-off cos all I see him do is play free pool at Freedom Bar.

This roof section is called Tonsai roof, where I had many good and bad memories of climbing. There's Riesenbaby ( 7a+) which was really pumpy and fun, cos you get to do things like straddle a stalactite and rest till you're depumped before going for the roof section, which is really really nice cos you traverse a ledge and swing to the other side and do a foot jam and clip-in, before reaching for a higher ledge to the anchor. I tried this 5 times before getting it, and the 4th time, my dear moccasym slipped off my foot when I was reaching for the last jug before clipping in. Like wtf. But the elation of finishing this rocks.

And this photo, is a picture of the roof from the bottom, taken when I was lying on the straw mat exhausted from the many attempts I had on Tidal Wave (7b+). 13 times. I tried the route 13 times before I got it. The send was precious. And I was so relieved and jubilated when I clipped the anchor that I let out a loud "WOOHOO!".

We multi-pitched up Tonsai Wall via Humanality (6b). Four pitches in 3+ hours. That was more than I could bear. The 3rd pitch is a classic. An easy climb followed by a slab, and you'll have to reach behind you for a tufa. It was nerve-wrecking, butt-cramping and mind-boggling. Nature carved out a perfect test of courage. But my butt was cramping, so I gave in and mono-ed the bolt. And fell at the 4th pitch. But who cares, it was great fun. And the view was majestic. The coconut trees swaying in the strong sea breeze and the reefs were visible from that height.

This is a cute kitten with fluffy fur in Andaman Nature Resort. The food wasn't good, but the delight of having 2 kittens playing around your table is enough to cover up the lacklustre food.

And these are the cats from Mum's Kitchen in Railay East. The mum's really protective, that's why she was staring suspiciously at my camera-phone. The little kitten is really skinny, and its ribs were showing through its sides. It refuses to eat anything and is likely to die soon. But let's pray that it survives this phase.

My favourite cat is this black brown white cat from Green Valley Resort. It brushes off people the wrong way by jumping onto our bench and meowing away askin for food. I guess I was the only softhearted one to feed it. And it was really nice when it curled up in my lap and let me stroke it. I'd love a cat, but it goes against my principle of pet-rearing. Too bad I forgot to take a picture of it.

For those who wants to know, Green Valley has the nicest food in Tonsai but the portions are not that great. The beachside restaurant beside Freedom bar nearest the crags is expensive, but the food is quite good and portions are big enough to share. It has good cheeseburgers and American Fried Rice, and its muesli with fruit and yoghurt tastes the best. Green Valley has the best pancakes. And Krabi town has a really good italian restaurant which serves fantastic authentic italian pizza. I forgot the name, but it's to the right of the pier when you come out from the boat. Things in Krabi Town are cheaper than Tonsai or Railay or Ao Nang, so maybe you'd like to stock up before heading to the beaches. For good and cheap home-cooked food in Railay East, Mum's Kitchen and the restaurant-bar beside it are good enough, though it can be a bit out of the way as they're at the extreme right of the beach.

And I'll cap this post off with my best capture. The perfect beach.

2007-08-15T23:56:00.000+08:00

in case you guys don't know already, i'm back in singapore.
i love singapore food. pork rules. mutton rules.
and the climbing gym is such a nice and cosy place.
but still, NUS sucks. long time. same same but different every sem.
time to start mugging....crap.

my back is plastered to a leather office chair in krabi

2007-08-03T17:14:00.000+08:00

alright.blogger is in thai, and i'm sitting in a shoddy-looking net cafe which looks more like a facade for a money-laundering syndicate.

krabi has been great fun. the (few) beautiful women in little clothing, the pristine emerald waters, the food, the awesome crags, and of course, that elusive send.

nearly flashed lion king, nearly flashed quarks, nearly finished riesenbaby, a few moves away from baby gorilla, nearly flashed a 7a. at least i flashed another 7a which felt suspiciously like a 6b. whatever.

the pressure the seniors are putting on me is a bit alarming. i just want to enjoy my remaining days in this little bay. just let me nosebleed to death looking at that hot babe in the black bikini, i don't really care (ok, i care a bit) if i can finish all those routes. this is a holiday. not a send-fest or a measure of my capabilities.

looking forward to getting back to school. i miss the gym. a lot. and all of you guys and girls in the team. and the girls who will be coming into the team. woohoo!

2007-07-23T10:45:00.000+08:00

Will be in Krabi from 25 July till 13 Aug.
Stay safe and healthy, everyone.
Enjoy the rest of the holidays.

2007-07-20T12:03:00.000+08:00

it's almost going to be one year since i joined the climbing team.
i've witnessed the tumultuous journey to excellence of many teammates, including my own. people work real hard to get to their goals, pushing the limits, bearing with the excruciating pain in the fingers that only those in the sport know. i've strived for excellence too, and got back results that are quite satisfactory, albeit a little disappointing as well.
most of the time, it's a real joy climbing with these people. making fun of each other, the ales, the nonsense we talk about. sometimes, climbing saps all your energy after the warm-up, and somehow, you can't find the drive or motivation to get you through the rest of the training.
my team is not a perfect one. i admit that. but i still love it. because, in one way or another, it reminds me of my canoeing team.
a core group that keeps the team together, the social glue that is essential to every team. the jokers, the knowlegeable, the slackers, and of course, the non-existent. we have so many similarities. there are moments of madness, where slightly deranged minds translate thoughts to words and spark off riots. and moments of pure insanity, where deranged minds say something ridiculous and leads to a cycle of laughs and jabs at each other.
there will always be teammates who disappear on us, or miss trainings for no good reason. these people will need to reassess their intention of joining the team. if need be, please understand the priority of team over self. a team is not a club which you join for the sake of personal achievement. a team is a unity, a band of brothers and sisters who fight together, even if it is an individual sport. train together, suffer together, laugh together, win and lose together. and ultimately, learn about the sport and enjoy each other's company. if this is not your priority, please quit the team for the sake of yourself and the future of the team.
to the climbers reading this, whether or not you're from my team, i hope you find your true calling. if you've already found yours, and it is to stay in the sport and enjoy every moment of hardship and success, i welcome you to climb with me.

so solemn. so dark. so sarcastic.
i hate this post.

2007-07-16T22:44:00.000+08:00

my first climb at the new CA was surprisingly eventful and satisfying.
the roof was pretty cool, something NUS obviously lacks and needs a lot for all-rounded bouldering.
so was the indoor vertical.
maybe the rockamania cockup fired me up a lot for Krabi, the rather-sick routes by my standards are actually really do-able.
and there wasn't much pride in climbing the walls that you helped build. maybe because they don't really look very nice. i pretty much prefer them dull and grey like the old CA. think us climbers will have a lot of lousy footwork to do before we can get the walls back to that state.

sun sand stone. Krabi. Get ready for Jensen.
Yes, i want special please.

2007-07-08T14:29:00.001+08:00

i don't know what's this lazy feeling that's consumed me these past few days. no motivation to do anything, don't really feel like training even though rockamania's coming up in a week.

maybe it's because i've finished the projects in Climbasia. or just lost interest in vertical about as soon as when it started. the thought of not wanting to go Krabi even crossed my mind.

maybe it's due to the deprivation of good quality chocolate. i'm really desperate for that endorphin-induced happy rush. haven't had quality food for quite some time now.

i need to train. hard. it's not an option.
where has that confidence gone?

just hope it doesn't rain in Krabi. my long-awaited tan plan must not be thwarted at a time like this.

one more week, and Climbasia will be open. hopefully my v10s will come by then.

i have a sudden craving for prata. but that will have to wait. i need to run. but i need to buy running shoes first. but then, i'll need to get my ass off my home first. how troublesome.

stop the whining.
but school is starting. modules-bidding. hair-dyeing.
shit. so leycheh.

2007-07-01T01:15:00.000+08:00

transformers was so cool that i had to watch it twice.
no sacrifice, no victory. how apt.
rockamania in 2 weeks.
krabi in 3 and a half weeks.
school in 6 weeks.
junior girls coming in 8 weeks.

2007-06-24T09:33:00.000+08:00

maybe it's work fatigue.
i'm finding it hard to motivate myself during working hours. the flying sawdust and metaldust, the stifling heat, the suffocating humidity that makes me drip all over with sweat.and the bloody stress that comes along with building something that others, including my friends and teammates, will use for the sport that all of us love so dearly.
it's fucking tiring. my back is perpetually aching and my knees are nearly as busted as during BMT. my energy level is especially low and i don't even have time to dream. once i hit the sack, i fall asleep immediately. te next thing i know, i have to go to work.
just waiting for july 15 to come, when i can finally take a true holiday.one week of pure sloth, then to Krabi, where the rocks await.
3 more weeks, people. then the new place will surface.

My Girl

2007-06-15T23:16:00.000+08:00

My girlfriend, naked, save for a choker.

Her name's Coco. She's a little psychotic and disappears as and when she likes.

Speechless? Cat got your tongue?

2007-06-12T23:20:00.001+08:00

found a girlfriend at my workplace Climbasia.
will try to post her pic if she allows it.
:)

2007-06-08T23:48:00.000+08:00

started work at Climbasia on Mon.
and it was back-breaking work day-in day-out all the way till today.
thank god it's friday. my back is really breaking.
even bending forward to wash the dishes sends spasms into my middle back.
and this will last all the way till mid-july.
no time for regrets. i'm all about contributing to the construction of CA.
a little bit of love for the most happening place in climbing.
and of course, the pay helps keep me there too.
no time to shop, no time to read. not even time to dream. shut my eyes and the next thing i see are the sun rays through my window.
but it's still good. i look forward to climbing and bouldering with my buddies.
and Krabi, i'm still waiting for you.

kHearts

2007-05-29T23:53:00.000+08:00

immediately after being fired for being the laziest person in the team with the lowest sales volume ( mainly because i was only interested in playing ith the cute little kids rather than fleece parents of their hard-earned money and children of their already-deprived childhood ), i volunteered for kHearts.

kHearts is situated just opposite the booth i WAS working at in the World Book Fair, in Suntec Exhibition hall 404. and the zany people inside the booth, they're simply outstanding individuals in every way.

Kangjie. Those who know him knows why he's out-of-this-world. for those who don't know, come down to Suntec by this Sunday to find the dodgy air-con salesman selling handicrafts.

Andy. Mountain goat who hates sales pitching, pretty much like me, preferring hiding behind the counter doing menial work or twisting balloons.

Chiew. Poor thing quit her job at MathTeach today after my demise and tiao4 chao2 to kHearts. and now part of the crazy family.

Chee How. The lost BMT mate which i last saw 4 years ago during the vocation announcement. now he's officially a cockster, something i never knew. and his OCS platoon mate is Kangjie. god save his soul.

Scott. Alamak. Can't get away from him even during the hols.

Yingyee ( or something like that ). Probably the noisiest girl i've ever met. but very talented and devoted to the cause. and ultra bubbly.

kHearts is a social entreprise set up in the Simei Care centre. Kj and co (excluding chiew and me) are helping the mental health patients who are recovering at the centre to earn a small allowance as a form of encouragement in their bid to get back to being accepted by society.

So please come down to the World Book Fair. We need your support. They need your support even more than us. Every sale of every item goes to Simei Care centre's operations.

2007-05-26T08:19:00.000+08:00

was working at the world book fair in suntec yesterday, and the next few days to come if i can last that long. supposed to sell this product called math teach, those "games" and problem solving stuff meant for primary school students.

was manning this 'number challenge' booth with those sums and problems which you use number discs to fill in the blanks. meant for primary 2 -4.

boy, are they difficult.

makes me wonder what the heck our stupid MOE is thinking, making our little kids suffer at such a young age. there was an educational games booth just opposite me. if i wasn't that hard up for sales, i would have directed the parents over to the other side. what harm can toys do to them?

anyway 2 girls, one 5 one 7 came to our booth with their mum in tow. they reminded me of my 2 cousins Faith and Megan. no wonder i felt so close to them, the funny and slightly delayed laughter, the missing teeth, those sweet endearing smiles. it was such fun playing with them that the time spent standing throughout the day was worth it.

then their mum said their dad is elsewhere and they'll go find him. coming back later.
i hope they don't grow up to become such good liars, because for a moment, i thought the mum was telling the truth.

but the 2 little angels had me thinking, will i have a future dealing with kids? i'm good at handling and playing with them. maybe i should open a daycare.

2007-05-20T23:25:00.000+08:00

big hello to huishi! hope you're safe and having fun in the land of a thousand counterfeit goods.

been disappearing from everyone's lives, wonder how many of them remember my existence. retreating into my little world of books and climbing (mainly watching people climb) has led chiew to scream, "Jensen, don't live in recluse!"

last chance before i have time for anyone again. tuesday and wednesday this week. if i don't meet up with anyone, i probably won't have time to do so for quite some time.

time to wake up? and smell the money.

2007-05-11T16:09:00.000+08:00

been spending the past week reading novels borrowed from the library.
4 books in 7 days, not bad huh.
i strongly recommend "The Memory Of Running" by Ron McLarty.
it's a book i've been waiting for on the shelves of the library for about a year now, and now that it's in my hands, i like it so much that i'm gonna buy a copy of it. and read it again and again, and pass it to my children if i have any.
gotta get more books before my self-declared break is over.

walking lame

2007-04-30T22:34:00.000+08:00

the funny thing about climbing is, there are so many injuries that you can choose from to impede your progress.

swollen joints, pulley injuries, ankle sprains or dislocated shoulders. or maybe falling on someone and getting injured somewhere.and knocking your head into the wall is a great way to the highway to hell.

and now, presenting the new kid on the block.

peroneal tendon subluxation. sounds like some new species of crab from the Arctic ocean.
can't run for 2-4 weeks. probably can't climb either.
sian, it's back to the drawing board and charting a new training program.

just why the fuck is it that i'm always the one who gets these funny injuries? sprained finger during a captain's ball game, fine, i accept it. but my peroneal tendon dislocating just for stepping up? that's new, and fucking lame. at least make it spectacular please?!

ok, the above was all typed out in spite. please pray for my health.

2007-04-25T21:08:00.000+08:00

so far 3 down.
buang one and a half.
who cares???

time to hit the walls again!
spiderman, spiderman, does whatever a spider can.

2007-04-23T09:47:00.002+08:00

I wrote something about studying taking the backseat for me just now, and Blogger just ate it up.

It was pretty long, and it felt like shit knowing that what I wrote, which i believed in a lot, was gobbled by a lousy network connection.

FUCK YOU BLOGGER AND SINGNET.

Stir-fried lizard brain

2007-04-17T14:45:00.000+08:00

1 whole live lizard with brains, left and right
3 tbs butter
5 textbooks
5 files of notes
Some salt and pepper to taste
Extremely erratic weather

melt butter in saucepan until simmering
add textbooks and files. Fry for 2 minutes.
Wait for extremely erratic weather.
slice open lizard head and extract brains.
add right brain and stir fry for 2 minutes.
add salt and pepper to your liking.
slice left brain thin and serve on top of dish.
serve with lizard's blood.

do not harm any small animals in the process of cooking.

2 eyes and a heart

2007-04-13T23:42:00.000+08:00

NehNehPok gave me a nehnehpok chocolate. Went all the way down to Central Library from Engineering to get this "weird sensation" sweet. Nice. It worked my tongue a bit.

Bouncy kids and Donatello

2007-04-13T23:38:00.000+08:00

my favourite cousin Keefe is a photo whore. these were taken when we were visiting my ah kong's grave, and a sudden downpour when we were halfway done forced everyone into the MPV. we were stuck for an hour before deciding to burn the offerings in the rain. it was horrid.yet, i thought it was fun that it happened to us as a family, and everyone was laughing about it.

Day 7

2007-04-13T23:36:00.000+08:00

whats the damn difference?

day 1

2007-04-07T00:37:00.000+08:00

yeah, these are my middle and ring fingers of both hands.

let's chart the healing process over 3 weeks.sibeh bo liao.

side note: they look a bit like elephant legs...

hiatus

2007-04-04T17:34:00.000+08:00

ah.
finally, my fingers are going for a break.
my mind, however, will be on overload for the next month.
now i know how my body works.
one body part at a time.
can't study much when i climb.
can't climb much when i get down to serious mugging.
incapable of multi-tasking.

26th April!!!!!!!
then, my fingers will be active again.

2007-03-28T09:28:00.000+08:00

Boulderactive 2007
Novice Men
1st Runner-up
Jensen Seah

It's been a while since I managed to get myself into the top 3 of anything, the last being 3rd in the 12-man crew dragonboat race. It was a liberating moment when I collected my medal. Finally, the countless hours spent bouldering and doing ARC in the gym has paid off.

Still a little disappointed by my performance, especially a couple of cock-ups and uncalled-for actions that wasted my attempts. But what the heck, Intermediate Men is beckoning me. I shall make it a point to stay afloat in this sea of bouldering sharks and spear all of them. Or blow them up like in Jaws.

Time to study hard.

After that, it's the same old story of Jensen climbing here and there again.

Boulders in my blood

2007-03-21T18:39:00.000+08:00

it's finally here. my test.

friday. qualifiers. i'll see how i measure up to all the novice climbers in singapore.

we trained hard for 7 months.taking weird falls, finger-busting moves and crazy flying around. to become better and mote importantly, to have fun. there is no wonder that we have a bit of expectations for this competition.

especially that we are playing on home ground.

Boulderactive is organised by our climbing sub-club.

Defend our turf, i always say. it's not so much about personal glory or what. it's to carry the name of our team to higher levels.

we worked like cows to carry the giant mattresses from school to PS. such back-breaking tasks were a distant memory going back to the days when I had to pack the signal sets for camp-shifting. that was utterly shiong.

i will take the bus on friday, listening to my favourite songs. drop off at potong pasir and head down to dhoby ghaut. my heart will be pounding as i step onto the escalator. when i step out of the station and see the 4 walls, i will be engulfed by a sudden wave of excitement, nerves and happiness. or happyness.

Come, my friends, come watch the NUS climbing team in action.

The Atrium @ Orchard. Dhoby Ghaut MRT.
Friday
10am - 230pm Novice Women qualifiers
3pm - late Novice Men qualifiers (That's me)

Saturday
10-12pm Intermediate Women qualifiers
1230-4.30pm Intermediate Men qualifiers
5-645pm Open Women qualifiers
717pm-815pm Open Men qualifiers

Sunday
Novice Finals Women Category: 1000H – 1110H
Novice Finals Men Category: 1140H – 1240H (can come watch if i get into finals.haha)
Intermediate Finals Women Category: 1310H – 1410H
Intermediate Finals Men Category: 1440H – 1540H
Open Finals Women Category: 1610H – 1750H m
Open Qualifiers Men Category: 1820H – 2000H (The most exciting one)

haolian

2007-03-15T00:13:00.000+08:00

did my first one-armed pull-up.
sipeh hao lian sia.

2007-03-08T21:44:00.000+08:00

feeling quite strong lately despite the 2 week break from training since CNY.
fingers still quite fucked up but they're stronger than before.
sticking some things i've never managed before.
sounds like something is gonna happen.
hope it's good.

------------------

skipping school because you woke up half an hour late is not something that i will encourage.
but of course, you get to sleep in, slack around the house, watch climbing videos, sleep some more, catch up on the previous lectures.
what's so bad about that?
shiok man.
feel like skipping school altogether.

NOT.

fucking projects.

flake

2007-03-02T11:01:00.000+08:00

this is what it looks like after a shower.

would any ladies like to join me?

i mean in climbing, not the shower.

a wall

2007-02-26T22:50:00.000+08:00

while walking to class today, i was overcome by a sudden wave of thoughts.

"I am so tired."
"I can't take this anymore."
"What the hell is all this I'm going through?"
"My body is breaking down. I don't feel alive."

This despite the fact that i'm enjoying my climbing. it baffles me.
the fact that i'm sick of studying things that i don't care for is known to all. and i'm not going to whine about it here. i feel like a drone trudging the earth, not so much a worker ant with a mission to sustain the nest food supply, but more of a jellyfish fleeting aimlessly in the ocean, its course dictated by the currents which push it where they please.

i am just a little man. though sometimes i feel so alive, so full of life in me, the question of my existence still bugs me. it's up to me to decide what i do when i'm still alive, but many times i was disillusioned by how life sucks and how meaningless my life is. at least meaningless to me.

wake up and smell the roses? or just find the right path and walk it?

maybe it's just the midterms and the projects bothering me. i still don't see my future after NUS.

till then, i'll just enjoy what i see, hear, feel and sense.

limpeh kena tagged.

2007-02-16T10:36:00.000+08:00

This is what you are supposed to cut and paste if you decide to participate in the tagging game..Each player of this game starts off by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog.

i like to eat smelly things. esp pig innards. the kidney rocks. haven't tried chou tofu though.
i don't like to wear black.
i have a small hole near my left ear. think it's a gland or something. my mum said that my dad said that if i didn't have one (he has one), i'm not his son, cos apparently, my grandad has it too.
when in school, i almost eat vegetarian for lunch everytime. cheap and super good!
i've been using the same pencil case for 6 years. its a gift from my sis.
cannot tahan clutter. will go mad.

Project boulderactive

2007-02-12T00:26:00.000+08:00

this post is the result of my failed research for this fucking project.(i have 3 fucking projects)

why do i hate projects?

1. you don't always find relevant materials essential for it.

2. the time and effort needed to squeeze out every drop of that 20%.

3. project members who do shit. or rather shit nothing at all.

4. i don't usually know how to do the necessary stuff.

---------------------------

maybe i should just stop complaining. it's only a project.
but no harm complaining, cos i'm gonna do it anyway.

march 23-25 Boulderactive the atrium @ Dhoby Ghaut. Come see me defy gravity.

2007-02-06T00:28:00.000+08:00

i'm almost getting used to getting home at 11, tired from training.

i'm not sure whether this has taken its toll on me, but i sure do know that i'm not paying as much attention to schoolwork as i really should. i think it's time to be a student-climber. need to produce some good grades to keep my hopes of a 2nd lower honours afloat.

bumped into hongkeat today. or rather, he bumped into me. it's been so long since i last saw him, and i'm surprised we still can talk some cock. some friends just never die on you. but i admit it will never return to the days when we fool around and make merry with what ever rubbish we can lay our hands on. maybe a fraction of it will be enough.

i'm a much happier person now. somehow, Joseph's Tuesdays with Morrie has really changed my perspective of MY life. i am but one little grain of sand on a beach. but i can be the happiest grain. although some angst and animosity still lives in me, i try to suppress these feelings and look past them so that i can accept some people whom i previously could not bear the sight of. suddenly, they don't seem so bad after all.

2007-01-30T00:41:00.000+08:00

when was the last time you did something for the first time?

i had a couple of firsts last year. exhilerating and downright gross too.

climbed natural rock for the first time. i really have to say it transformed my life, from a swaku gym-rat to someone who keeps dreaming of touching real rock again. The sensation of the cold rock on your fingers is tingling, yet so touching. A bit like dipping your finger into the hot water in the bathtub just before you plunge yourself into the reservoir of warmth.

kissed a guy for the first time. well, almost. unwillingly of course. some kind of sick forfeit that i was dragged into. it happened with a tissue between. and this will never ever happen again.

-------------------------

sundays are for napping and this has been the case for many weekends before. wake up at 9+, read the papers, watch some tv, nap, lunch, nap, homework, nap...and so on. it is very boring and tiring when you have nothing interesting to do. especially now that saturdays are reserved for climbing, what remains of the weekend is left to settle the burdens of school.

it is not unexpected that now that i'm in the climbing team, my life revolves around the climbing team and the rock gym. there are some dull moments, particularly injury periods and times when you just can't seem to stick on the walls and everything thrown at you crushes you. these kill morale real quick and you need to be strong to get past them. good team-mates help you overcome your weaknesses, bad ones laugh at you. it is my fortune to have a team that is supportive and fun, always shouting "Go Jensen! Aller Jensen!" when i scream, grunt,shout and 'kek' my way through tough routes even though whether i finish it or not is not really their business at all. and of course i return the favour, not just superficially, but genuinely hoping that they send the problem and jump off the wall with satisfaction, achievement and a big smile on their face. thank the big guy ( or girl) in the sky for this team.

School has also taken its toll on me. I live to regret my decision of choosing engineering, although sometimes i think i'm better off dead. 2 and a half more years and i will be free from the chains which bound me. but maybe i'll be too timid to venture beyond this prison. until then, i'll be plotting my Prison Break.

there is no love life to speak of. sounds so sore, but it's true. haha. people have come and gone, i wish all with bliss. and maybe my maiden will appear soon, to this passive guy who knows not a thing about romance (or do i?). yes, my plan for the prettiest team in the whole of NUS is still undergoing, next sem, the chief judge of the girl's team selection will not spare anyone. sweet.

i think girls with small eyes are cute. and thin girls are not. eat more and get some nice curves, spare your boyfriend the agony of fearing breaking your bones somehow.

2nd May. I see you soon.

2007-01-11T23:42:00.000+08:00

inspired by a post from www.mrbrown.com.

if your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.
6. Don't lie

Here's my life according to iTunes.

Opening Credits : Elevation by U2
nothing like a rocking good song to start the show.

Waking Up : Things I'll Never Say by Avril Lavigne
"Guess I'm wishing my life away, with these things I'll never say"
So many words, no balls.

First Day At School : Taper Jean Girl by Kings Of Leon
"Aha, Shake, taper jean girl kills me." Nasty.
this is one of my favourite songs.

Falling in Love : Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da by The Beatles
"Desmond takes a trolley to the jewelry store...
Buys a twenty carat golden ring... (Golden ring)
Takes it back to Molly waiting at the door...
And as he gives it to her she begins to sing...
Ob-la-di ob-la-da, life goes on brahhh...
Lala how the life goes on..."
Wah, happily ever after!?!

Fight Song : Surfin' USA by Beach Boys
How the fuck am I supposed to pick a fight with her while surfing?

Breaking Up : It Ends Tonight by The All-American Rejects
How appropriate.

Prom : Love's A Game by The Magic Numbers
A nice slow song to dance to, but not that nice after all. It's a "I'm moving on" song afterall.

Life's ok : On Bended Knees by Boyz II Men
Not ok at all.

Mental Breakdown : Scars by Papa Roach
"I tear my heart open, I sewed myself shut"
Real crazy and sick behaviour.

Driving : Brother by Sterreophonics
Fast. Aggressive. Crash.

Flashback : Cast No Shadow by Oasis
"Bound with all the weight of all the words he tried to say
Chained to all the places that he never wished to stay"
And I still love her!!?!!

Getting Back Together : Here Without You by 3 Doors Down
Eerie eh? So zhun.

Wedding : Yellow by Coldplay
I actually wanted "Running" by No Doubt, but I don't mind this too.
"Your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones, turn into something beautiful.
Do you know, for you I'll bleed myself dry, for you I'll bleed myself dry"

Birth of Child : When I'm Gone by 3 Doors Down
Inauspicious.

Final Battle : I Don't Know What I Can Save You From by Kings Of Convenience
No helping hand. Confirm die la.

Death Scene : Don't Lie by Black-Eyed Peas
I'm really dead. Don't listen to rumours.

Funeral Song - Stellar by Incubus
"Meet me in outer space, we could spend the night watch the Earth come up"
All souls go to outer space.

End Credits : Fake Tales of San Francisco by Arctic Monkeys
"Fake Tales of San Francisco
Echo through the air
And there's a few bored faces at the back
All wishing they weren't there "
Haha my life is boring la, sounds like something that will happen if I narrate my life.

2006-12-31T02:06:00.000+08:00

I don't know what to do or how to deal with it.
Sometimes, you just get sick of being the way you are, even though you know you're not in the wrong.
Break out of it, man.
Nothing is going to happen.
Gotta knock some sense into my head.
Take a walk.
A long one.
Come back a new man.
Or the same one.

Knot Comes Loose - My Morning Jacket

2006-12-26T22:48:00.000+08:00

B.b can't you see that I'm smiling?
Can't you see, there's a part of me that's brand new?
Used to be, was a part of me felt like hiding,
but now it comes through.

Deep in my heart, that's where the knot comes loose.
Deep in my heart, I will remember you.

All my lovely life I been waiting, hot heels anticipating.
Another love I found not to let it down.

Deep in my heart, that's where the knot comes loose.
Deep in my heart, I will remember you.

B.b can't you see that I'm smiling?
Can't you see, there's a part of me that's brand new?
Used to be, was a part of me felt like hiding, but now it comes through.
But now it comes through.
Closer to you.

Back

2006-12-24T13:02:00.000+08:00

I'm back with more holes in the legs and arms. Cuts, bruises, bites and all.

6 days of unrivalled fun, with the perfect company. Cool dudes and hot chicks alike climbing up and down limestone walls in KL. Funny talk all over the place and lots of bingeing. Secret Recipe degustation menu (cakes are at RM 5.5 per slice), tze char, Nando's (watching your friend struggling with something too spicy for him is rather heartwrenching), Ramly burgers, surviving on bread in the wilderness while swatting mosquitoes. Walking around the streets of KL aimlessly, always asking each other "Eh, where we going?". Queueing up for shower everyday. Stretching and Yoga lessons conducted by Farah. Fearless children hanging from aerial tree roots. Long taxi rides. Lots of screaming while on the wall. Unfinished project in Camp 5(sigh...).

This has to be the best holidays ever. I'm even looking forward to the equipment clean-up.

Christmas in 11 hours. Make yourself happy, my friends.

2006-12-17T14:52:00.000+08:00

will be away in KL from 18th to 23rd dec.
if you have anything that you want from there, just send me a sms.
i'll try to accomodate your request.

the world and her

2006-12-11T16:41:00.000+08:00

take her down to the riverside, and sit beneath the grand old tree. talk about the worlds, all the while mesmerised by her beauty. bake a cake, cream it with saccharine. tastes don't matter, it's the thought that counts, hers especially. walk along the cobbled path, butterflies flutter. bend over, pick a wild flower, for her. wade in the blue lagoon, frolicking. the salt in your eyes doesn't stop you from noticing her smiles. hike up the hill, stepping over rock and soil. the blushes on her face from the exertion, makes you blush too. lie amongst the tall tall grass, watching clouds. hold her hand, and show her the cloud that belongs to her. seat her down beneath the grand old tree, look into her eyes. tell her, "you are the world." -- a dedication to friends and family

Entertain yourself

2006-12-06T10:11:00.000+08:00

All-American Rejects - Move Along

My Morning Jacket - Preview Of Okonokos(Live) Album

The song is called "Anytime"
Now, would anyone like to sponsor me a ticket to America to watch them live?
They rock, and they're very hairy.

Updates

2006-12-04T22:25:00.000+08:00

Well, here you go. 4th december. my blog's back again.

today wraps up an otherwise-horrible-academically semester. a trip to vivocity, a chocolate fondant and a super fun climbing session with the guys is surely the perfect way to let it all out. everything was just so shitty in NUS till climbing came along. of course, my friends, you are not shit, you are part of the filth that makes up Jensen.

What's up this holidays?
climb on monday,climb on tuesday,climb on wednesday,climb on thursday,climb on friday,climb on saturday, sunday rest. that's about it. then it's off to KL! Haven't been to Malaysia for so long, the last trip to JB ended up in me warming the toilet seat about 20 times in 2 days. And why am i going KL? No need to think la, of course it's to climb. and eat.and SHOP.hur hur.

my dear friends, jensen is very free from now till 17 dec. if you miss me, or need a cuddle, please send me a message and i will squeeze the life out of you. not in the very immoral sense. it's just a hug.

Unbelievably crappy today.

seduce you

2006-12-04T22:20:00.000+08:00

Wow, i really hope i'm this. who's up for cuddles?i see molestation charges coming my way.

metamorphosis

2006-11-05T23:45:00.000+08:00

in 20 minutes, it begins.

somehow, i'm reminded of the Power Rangers.

"It's Morphin' time!"

but i'm not so enthusiastic about it.

GO GO GO people!!!

this blog will be inactive till 4th Dec 2006.

adieu. till then.

amber light

2006-11-03T23:08:00.000+08:00

in 2 days time, jensen is going to transform into a lecture-note-chomping, tutorial-swallowing, textbook-gobbling mindless monster.

something like cookie monster.

and he will revert back to his original form of youtiao-chomping, bak-kut-teh-gobbling, prata-swallowing crazy monster.

it's weird how we change with the times.

get set

2006-10-29T17:33:00.000+08:00

it's about time that i start getting my act together again and study for the upcoming exams.

i find it hard to push for higher and more respectable grades, even though i've told myself that it is necessary to score this sem since next sem will be a hell of time for me (both ways). training will be tough and more frequent, no time for any other form of social life(which hasn't exactly showed face this sem) and another programming module will attempt to suck the sorry life out of me.

well well people, i say "FUCK!" to all that competition for As. let's just get this sem over and done with, so we can truly enjoy the holidays and of course, Christmas!

my fingers are hurting as i type.i need sponsors for glucosamine.

lost and found

2006-10-24T01:57:00.000+08:00

suddenly i see it.

there is a reason for me to stufy hard.
i need good grades.
so i can fall back on them when i don't feel like studying hard for a semester.

well, come on, what's life without a bit of rebellion?
after all, they only look at the degree.

to climb, to seek the reason to my existence,
i have to study.
HARD.

monologue

2006-10-20T00:04:00.000+08:00

why does it hurt so much?
because you overestimated yourself.
then why does it still feel so good when i climb,even when it hurts?
because you are enjoying yourself.
why do i climb though it hurts?
because you fucking brainless.

aiyah.
what the hell.
no pain no gain is crap, but i can't miss a minute of climbing if i can help it.
even with the pain.
grit your teeth, because the pain is slowly melting away, and you will come to see that everything is worth it,even if it hurts.
climb jensen climb, because that's all you can do.

bashed.

2006-10-15T17:14:00.000+08:00

i'm tired.

the mind doesn't respond to anything except food. i wonder if it's the prelude to an eating disorder. been eating way more than i ever had. even though i'm enjoying every second of slurping down ah balling with ginger soup or biting into a freshly-fried youtiao, i know nobody should indulge in food to such extent. there is no life in me apart from eating.

there hasn't been any motivation to study hard like last sem, and i doubt any will come along to wake up my bloody idea. regret hits me like a train, for choosing engineering (or rather leaving it to fate to choose for me, stupid coin....) is proving to be the worst mistake i've made. 5 sems to go. there's nothing left to hang on to apart from the tiles in the rock gym, the rocks out there in the wild and all you people's hands.

pick me up, before i get too heavy.

Crooked Teeth by Death Cab For Cutie

2006-10-08T01:04:00.000+08:00

one of the cutest videos i've ever watched.enjoy.

Computers....scum of Earth.

2006-10-07T20:11:00.000+08:00

i just flunked my programming test.

yes i didn't put in much effort,yes i didn't do much for the test,yes i didn't do a comprehensive helpsheet that will get me out of trouble.

somehow, this seems real trivial to me, even if i know it will really pull down my grades drastically.

feel like giving up.

i fucking hate programming.

it talks!

2006-10-03T18:13:00.000+08:00

my finger(s) is screaming at me.
"give me a break!"

it's hard to live with the truth.
i guess light climbing will do for now.
i hope i don't succumb to temptation again.
the rock gym is a very evil place,tempting me always.

we are different

2006-09-29T23:50:00.000+08:00

sometimes, you just happen to be at the right place with the right person.
but at the wrong time.

as i climb more, the more i learn about this world and how life works.
using brute force may get you somewhere, but it's unsightly, and it draws criticism from everyone. doing the right thing at the right time is what's important.that's where technique comes in.a simple movement can relieve you of pain and suffering.that's where footwork comes in.there is no point holding on to something so tightly that it stifles nothing but you.that's where tile-holding comes in.never give up until you know what you are intending to do next is gonna hurt you or someone else.that's where determination and willpower comes in, along with a dose of sensibility.

a wall with many colourful tiles.which one to hold,which one to step on? which tiles will you choose for your route to your end-tile? an easy unchallenging one or a killer which will bring you satisfaction and pride upon completion? your choice. your approach.

i want to climb better. i want to win. but i also want to find peace in climbing. this is where balance comes in.

when will i find the perfect route?

maybe never, but i'll wait and see.

well

2006-09-27T21:36:00.000+08:00

i'm ok!
but still cannot climb.sian.

swell

2006-09-26T14:34:00.000+08:00

left hand
right hand (meatball)
kong ba pau

whack.

2006-09-21T20:49:00.000+08:00

i'm climbing like a mad ape.
with sprained fingers.and now a banged-up wrist.
wtf.
don't think so much.
just whack.

2006-09-17T00:31:00.000+08:00

worry.
smile.
frustrated.
energised.
want to fly.

you make me.

can't back off,
can't move on.
can't think.
can't tell.

will be great

2006-09-11T23:56:00.000+08:00

For the first time in weeks,i'm online without any intention of doing work.feels good.

been doing a lot of thinking lately.bogged down by schoolwork and climbing training, i was on the brink of losing it.life hasn't been this packed since jc days when i was still canoeing.but back then,days were carefree and i always threw caution into the wind and just had fun,though i still did my homework.now that i'm older, there's a lot more to factor in when i just want to spend some time chilling out doing nothing constructive.it's something i wish i have time for.

and no, i don't ever regret joining climbing ivp.
just yesterday, we went for Climb On! 2006, a rockclimbing carnival in Singapore Expo.70 routes,1 scorecard,unlimited tries.I completed routes i thought were impossible for me, failed at some i thought i could clear, pulled muscles and hurt my fingers.and knowing that the test was today,i still went for this and ignored the possibilities of flunking it.a small sacrifice for a lot of fun and awesome cimbing.I was inspired by the seasoned climbers,how they seem to make everything so easy.I just have to work harder,train harder,focus more,and one day,hopefully soon,i'll reach their level.

climbing.
you keep me sane and delighted, yet you mess up my life so much.

i'll be just fine handling school and climbing.and maybe more.

test?

2006-09-06T01:33:00.000+08:00

i'm worried.
you know what happens when a dam is breached?
the walls cracked,then water starts seeping through the cracks,which at the same time enlarges,and finally gives way.the water cascades,falling like a giant sack of potatoes and crashes with a loud boom.
all these happen concurrently.
it's like how everything hits you all at the same time when you just can't seem to manage at all.luck is not on your side,since it probably brought everything together.
my responsibility and stress level is at an all-time high.
there is nothing to pray to, nothing to lend support.
on my own.
a chance to grow stronger.

change

2006-09-03T22:59:00.000+08:00

the title of my blog has changed.
"without love we perish"
four words.unlimited possibilities.powerful.subtle.
what is love?which love?
i saw this phrase a few years ago in a surfing magazine in australia.it appeared as a tattoo around the ankle of a surfer,and it is the mantra that he lives by.and somehow i believe it's true.
love envelopes the world,love in every sense.parental love,sibling love,love,lvoing yourself.
if we lose interest in everyone else, and ourselves, will we stirll have the will to live on?or bother to do so?

it is a beautiful phrase.

but never forget,
turn your face to the sun, and the shadows will fall behind you.

WTF?

2006-09-02T15:23:00.000+08:00

can't curse with my left hand.
the finger points back at me.

sorry, this is nonsensical.haha.

it starts now.

2006-08-31T20:42:00.000+08:00

sore fingers
aching muscles
sprains strains pulls
falls
near-misses
deteriorating CAP
no time to sleep
no time to do homework
no time

i'll take you on.

Take the plunge, into a shitpile

2006-08-27T19:43:00.000+08:00

i haven't really been churning out entries like i used to.short and sharp was never my style,but now i think time is really not with me.
my timetable this semester is really a stinker.four full days,with wednesday free to give me a breather.actually not really,since i'll probably be struggling to write programs for my computing lab sessions and mugging for the tutorials.and i can't even bring myself to sit and read the C++ textbook,its sheer size intimidates me and reduces me to a kindergarten kid who is afraid of mathematical sums.i got myself into this shit,now i have to find a way to pick myself out from this mess.but how,when shit is up to my eyes?Haha guess i just have to wait till motivation hits me in whatever form it comes in.
i didn't get my ippt gold.but i'm not sad,because i pushed myself to my limits.although i was 35 seconds off the mark,i know if i train harder for it,it'll be within reach.just inches away from iminent success.if only it is that way always.
i'm very excited about climbing,and i'll be on my toes the next 2 days waiting for the captains to call and confirm the selection.i am confident,and if i fail to make it,i don't know if i'll be able to face up to anyone.i'll still climb,but it won't be the same again.and if i do,i'll train hard and learn everything i can.afterall,thats the whole point of joining the team,to learn the ropes and improve till i can improve no more.competitions will be fun,and it'll be a bonus if i can win anything,but i miss the trainings with the canoeists,and i hope this team will bring me endless joy too.if i make it.
and anyone who took the basic theory driving test?wonder if you have the Kui Hua Bao Dian,or the secret manual.does the new one have any amendments from the old one?anyone knows?

2006-08-24T20:24:00.000+08:00

i didn't get it.
haha.
next time.

chocolate

2006-08-22T09:56:00.000+08:00

confidence gets you somewhere.
the trial training yesterday left me with high chances of making it into the climbing team.the run was relaxing surprisingly,perhaps because i had youjie with me to chit-chat.and being a familiar face in the gym helps too.almost there....
ippt on wed.though gold still seems out of reach,it's not going to deflate my will.do or do not,there is no try.i will do my best.
hmm,on another note,my primary school's motto is "Do Our Best".

Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

2006-08-18T21:42:00.000+08:00

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

i can't find a title for this...

2006-08-16T01:13:00.000+08:00

this semester is not going my way.
i've been at my optimal best in the wrong aspect, sleeping in every single lecture for the past 2 days.thats 5 in 2 days.and i pray that i can pick myself up and actually try to stay awake and concentrate on what the lecturer is trying to say rather than succumb to slumberland.it's not that i'm tired, their voices just seem to put me to sleep.this cannot go on.

climbing team selection was a breeze.think i really have a knack for climbing.haha.
hope this turns out well, i really miss tough training and hanging out with fun and like-minded people.
hope this team will be an enjoyable one.

decisions...sigh...

sweat,blood,bruises,loss of sleep and plenty of elation

2006-08-13T12:18:00.000+08:00

people can tell you how much effort they had to put in.
and you always try to picture yourself in their shoes and recognise how much they'd toiled for it all.
but it's only when you catch them in action,that you really see for yourself how hard they've worked for every little piece of work and every minute of performance.
well done all raggers.
though i think rag is pointless,it still amazes me how a float can strengthen bonds and minds.

Kid

2006-08-10T02:10:00.000+08:00

tuesday.outside AJC.walking to AMK central for lunch after gym.
this little primary school kid was walking towards me, playing with something that looks like either a pillbox or some digital toy thing.it slipped out of his hands and tumbled into a drain.
only that the drain was barricaded by a metal fence that's chin-high for the boy.
my first reaction was "ni yao wo bang ni na ma?"
he nodded.
i leapt over the fence,picked it up and handed back to the kid.
his "xie xie" really made my day.
sometimes,you just have to be nice.it gives you the most unexpected gifts,even if it doesn't cost a penny.
so,be nice.

gold doesn't just drop from the sky

2006-08-07T00:33:00.000+08:00

9.44.
i've yet to attain the endurance and stamina to hit this timing.
everyone,please keep reminding how slow i am.
i won't give up till i get you.
400 dollars.
you can fulfil a lot of my dreams...

red water

2006-08-06T12:13:00.000+08:00

i went down to the Bloodbank@HSA for my blood donation yesterday,and damn,was it eventful.

The very moment i laid my tired ass on the recliner,the experienced lao nurse ushered in a trainee nurse in my direction.i didn't panic then,since thinking that with the scrutiny of the lao nurse,any mistake made by the trainee will be rectified fast.so,i relax(ing)ed while they did their usual routine. but when the trainee seemed to take a long time to apply the antiseptic on my forearm,i was quite baffled by either her conscientiousness or her incompetence.
her hands weren't very steady while injecting the anaesthetic,taking some time to push the syringe.and when it came to insert the big needle into my vein,i was quite impatient by then,though not showing any signs of it.she chose a different vein from the previous few times i was there,and it resulted in a very slow blood flow into the collecting bag.i believe it took twice as long.
the lao nurse was quite worried and started pulling in and pushing out the needle to get a better reaction from my vein,and happily told me that blood has collected under the skin and i will get a rather nasty bruise in a couple of days.lao nurse apologised many times,trainee apologised many times,i said "it's ok,no problem" many many times,always remembering to smile.well,in the end,the needle site was bleeding rather badly and i needed an ice pack to sooth the pain.or rather i had no choice because all these were done without informing me.
but it was a very fun experience,and hopefully only once-in-a-lifetime. it's not always that you get 3 nurses showing you concern,though i'd not suggest you get caught in a similar situation as me. just hope trainee nurse learned something from poking me the wrong way.she sure is very lucky to have me as a guinea pig.

we learn from mistakes,and then grow from there.

2006-08-03T00:21:00.000+08:00

i say we govern our lives by our own set of rules.
there are some problems in life that only the individual is capable of resolving.
sometimes, advice pours in by the bucketloads
but they confuse you and muddles up the situation more so than before.
i believe there is a solution to everything,
it's only up to you to decide if action should be taken to remedy the fault,
or stay in transit and never move on.
it's never comfortable or enjoyable to be stuck in a spot,
where you are stranded with no help in sight.
i've been there many times, and managed to pick myself up from the doldrums
and continue the trying path of life.
occasionally there are arms that pull you along,
words that make you stronger and tougher.
i can be a helpful samaritan,
or i can be your companion for at least some streets that you have to walk,
watching your back and egging you on when times are hard.
but ultimately you have to help yourself by learning to see
that some things can't be forced,
some things need time to weather them away,
and some things will always stick to your skin no matter how hard you rub.
learn to live with the truth, and you will prevail.
only then will true happiness befall you.
life has its dark moments,but in these times there are beacons that guide you
to a more beautiful place where you can forget your worries
and truly enjoy the company of another friend who was guided by the same beacon.
in the face of adversity,there is always at least one kind soul supporting you quietly,
who will bring you the sun if you ask for it.
if only you will turn to face the sun,then the shadows will fall behind you.

Run

2006-07-30T01:19:00.000+08:00

while i was running today,i sorted out a lot of negative thoughts that have haunted me the past 2 weeks.
you never give up on family.not even if your old man is a stubborn mule who doesn't listen to advice and doesn't take good care of his health knowing that it will make him ill again.you can show all dislike you want,but you don't give up on them.you just don't.
you don't give up on things you set your mind on.not unless there is not a glimpse of hope left,or you are told to back off.even if there's no glimpse of hope,it doesn't mean that hope is not there,it's just that you can't see it yet.
i am capable of running 9.43.i know i can.i can smell the 400 bucks.i'll decide if it goes to a new watch or to the Help Jensen Learn Driving fund.

i say sorry to cheesepie for letting you guys see the very moody me.it definitely wasn't a pretty sight but thanks for all the concern.i bounce back very fast.i just need good food and great distraction.

Cheesepie baking

2006-07-28T00:07:00.000+08:00

weimin chow nehnehpok and jacinth came over to create a mess in my kitchen today.you guys are really a chaotic lot.haha.huishi and jacinth are wonder women,use eyepower till their eyes almost popped.see the eyebags on jacinth?chow ah,cant read instructions properly,anyhow anyhow,it was inevitable that i barked orders at you.weimin,super hardworking,no complaints at all.potential baker.but dunno oz is ounce.
it all ended well,and fortunately the cheesecake looked quite good.think the air bubbles were my fault,maybe there was something wrong in the sequence of the addition of ingredients.but nevermind.you said it's good,so i bet it is.

while waiting for the cake to be ready,we had:
Japanese biscuits from Hokkaido courtesy of Yihui!
Jensen's Fudgy and Chewy Brownies!
Yuen Lang Lao Po Bing from Hong Kong from Chiew!
Royce Chocolate from Neh Neh Pok!Fucking Decadent.
Angie the Choice's Durian Roll!Fucking Good.
Emicakes' Durian Puff!Fucking Power.

u girls made my bed damn smelly ah.....and i found a lot of hair,long and short on it.kar moh armpit moh everything.....

thanks for coming.it was very fun watching you people play.

Jensen's Fudgy and Chewy Brownies.

2006-07-26T01:44:00.000+08:00

due to unforseen circumstances,i cant post pictures of this fabulous brownie that i've baked.but i can share the recipe with you.i came up with it.power sia...

3/4 cup butter
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1 1/4 cup white granulated sugar
2 eggs
1.5 oz unsweetened baking choc
1.5 oz semisweet baking choc
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla essence
3/4 cup chopped walnuts

toast walnuts till you see oil on the surface.deskin the walnuts if it isn't so.set to cool.
melt butter and chocolate and mix together till well-blended.wait for mixture to cool slightly.
add eggs one at a time.add vanilla.
set aside.

sift flour into a large bowl.add in sugar and salt.mix evenly with a fork.this prevents the flour from lumping.
add flour mixture into butter mixture slowly,mixing slowly.
blend till dry ingredients are just well-moistened.if not the brownie will not be as fudgy.
mix in walnuts.
grease a 8 inch square pan.
lay a piece of parchment paper or baking paper across the bottom of the pan extending to 2 of the sides.this makes it easy to remove the brownie from the pan.
pour batter into pan.
Bake in preheated oven at 180 C for 25 min.i added 5 min at 160 C.
presto.